Deep down: A look inside this mama’s heart
September 2022
Hi everyone! It’s been a little while…life has a way of flying by. I’m back to share a more “raw” blog entry. My desire behind it is to encourage you wherever you currently find yourself.
A few weeks ago, I had the honor of sharing at a “mama’s of littles night” at my church. I was speaking to a sweet group of women who have babies, toddlers and preschoolers. I so desired to clearly communicate the value and purpose of motherhood. Because oftentimes, mamas are the last ones to realize their value. It’s the highest honor to raise eternal souls. But the reality is, for so long, I personally didn’t see that. I was stuck in the spit up, diapers, and endless nights of nursing and pumping. I remember feeling like I was literally drowning. It didn’t seem like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I couldn’t seem to get past some of the lies that I had believed. They were on repeat.
Fast forward a few years and I’m now dealing with discipline, bad attitudes, defiance, disobedience, and it can be overwhelming. It’s a serious and big job to be a parent! Can I get an AMEN?! We are entrusted with such a huge responsibility: to care for and raise up children to love Jesus and reach the world around them. Which begs the question, does God really think we can handle it well? Guess what- He does. He made each of your children and set them apart for your family. And He equipped us to do it well.
So, what do we do when we are at a place of coming to the end of ourselves? When we feel like we don’t have the answers, and we aren’t sure how to respond? We should run. We should run straight to the throne of grace. Our father is there waiting for us. He infuses us with grace and strength. He gives the energy to get up and be “mom” for another day. I can tell you from personal experience, that nothing else will strengthen you the same way. Of course, it’s nice to be encouraged by your husband or others, but it will not sustain you. Jesus created us with a need that only he can meet. He’s ready to meet you, mama. Wherever you are. Talk to Him. Cry out.
I recently have worked really hard on making a mindset shift in this area. Mainly it began when I was seeing all the endless jobs around the house and in my life, and I was feeling upset and distraught. Something needed a shift, but I didn’t quite address it until we were on our summer trip.
In July, we traveled to Alaska to visit my sister-in-law and her husband, and also do some salmon fishing. We brought our older three kids along. We felt that they would be able to handle some of the hiking and activities better than the young ones. When we had been there for a week, I really hit a low point in my thinking and was honestly feeling pretty depressed. I wouldn’t usually use that word to describe how I feel- so I really was struggling. The thoughts of defeat, apathy, and exhaustion in life just hit me hard. I think it took being out of my normal routine at home to get to that place. It didn’t help that it also was raining constantly.
My girls were on a little camping trip with their Auntie Natalie, and the boys were fishing, so I was all alone in our VRBO rental. I remember looking out the window at the pouring rain and just feeling SO sad. Bummed out. Done.
The kids had really been “acting up” and being well, childish. And I was just done with it. Nothing I seemed to be teaching them was “working”. At least not instantly like I wanted. And what was I supposed to do?
Come on, we moms have been there. Just wanting an escape.
Where did I turn? I got out my journal and just started pouring my heart out to God.
“God, I feel so alone right now. I don’t feel like I’m doing a good job. I don’t think my kids are getting it. And I’m not sure where to go from here. I’m stuck!”
You know what happens every time we get to this place? Beautiful things happen. It’s where God does some of his best work. It’s because we are pliable, and we’re at a place of surrender. That’s where I was. “God, I don’t know, but you do. Show me the next step.” He didn’t give me all the answers right then, but even as we were on the flight back home to Minnesota, I felt his peace surround my heart and encouragement began to flow. He even led me to a couple podcasts that spoke directly to my situation and what I was feeling. A lot of it was orientated around the discipline for the kids. I wasn’t sure why it seemed like I was hitting a wall. But I found some really good practical things that have begun to change our family dynamic. Praise God.
He never gives up on anyone. He encouraged my mama heart and reiterated my VALUE and importance. And I now felt the time I was choosing to invest in my children was the BEST use of my time and there wasn’t anything “out there” that was better.
I tend to feel the “escape temptation” and it just felt like the power of that was loosened. I was able to embrace contentment in my season and be HAPPY about it.
I have so much unexplainable joy in my life now. I wake up thankful, I go to bed glad. I’m truly grateful that I get to do this significant job of being “mom”. I know my place and it’s a great one. I hope that by letting you into my thoughts you can glean some encouragement from this.
Do you feel unimportant? Do you buy into the lie that you’re “just” a mom? Do you think life is passing you by? Like you’re missing out on the good stuff? That there’s something better out there for you? Let me tell you. There is not. Human life is the most important thing to God. The fact that you are stewarding a life is not small. It’s massive. It’s the biggest and best responsibility we will ever have.
Children are a GIFT from God. The Bible tells us that they are an inheritance from Him. We need to shift and view them the way that He does. To esteem them, to speak highly of them and to align our hearts with God’s.
He is there to guide us and help us DO IT. You don’t have to will your kids to be better behaved. Or to work in the flesh to try and see changes in their attitudes. It is a work of His Spirit. Not in our human strength. It’s a partnering with Jesus and His grace. That is where hope is found, that is where I find peace. There, my friend. Stop looking for it in your Instagram feed. Your texts from friends. Those things can never fill you up like you need. We can’t live off an encouraging word from 2 weeks ago. We need daily, hourly encouragement from our Father. The one who made us.
This brings me to another thing that has radically changed my heart: reading the Bible. This is something that I’ve struggled to do consistently in my everyday life. At times, I acted like cleaning my house or watching a movie were more important than spending time in God’s Word. I would never have said that, but the way I spent my time said it all my itself. Why was it so hard? I think it was because I thought I could handle life on my own. (Again, I would never had said that out loud.) Sometimes I think we say it by the way we live.
That dependence on Jesus, that need for Him to infuse you with grace and strength, has to be learned by experience. We all need to learn to come to the end of ourselves on our own time.
Motherhood was that catalyst for me. It pushed me to the Lord. Staring into the eyes of my babies I realized my love was finite and His love was everlasting. My strength waned, but His had no end. Digging into the pages of the Bible brought me peace, hope and purpose. The purpose behind carrying a life, and raising them up. I have found PEACE, friends. And it changes everything.
It changes how I view everyday problems, discipline, messes, teaching, and caring. I’m not just doing this because I’m a mom and that’s what moms do. This is what God CREATED me to do. He made me with this in mind.
There isn’t something that I am missing “out there”. What a deception, what an illusion. An illusion that steals peace and joy from me. That taints sweet moments with my kids. I thank God everyday for revealing truth to me.
I want to leave you with some verses that have brought so much peace to my life as a mama.
“Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.”
- 2 Cor. 6:19-20
“When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all of his bones, not one of them is broken.”
-Psalm 34:17-20
“But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest on me.”
-2 Cor. 12:9
“For we are his workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”
-Eph. 2:10
“The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.”
-Psalm 138:8
“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.”
-1 Peter 2:9
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.”
-Ecc. 3:1
“You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.”
-Proverbs 19:21
“…who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works, but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began.”
-2 Tim. 1:9
“He has told you, o man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God.”
-Micah 6:8
“So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”
-1 Cor. 10:31
Dig into God’s word, friend. Take the time. It is not a waste, rather it’s probably one of the best things you could ever do.
